Like many of us, my calendar is chock full of appointments and commitments which require me to "hit the mark" over and over. By "hit the mark", I am referring to the places I need to arrive, on time, whether it be in person, or sitting in front of my laptop. Not only do I need to be on time, but I need to "bring it". By "bring it" I am referring to providing relevant content for classes with the full embodiment of the skills of my trade.
This, sort of, self-imposed responsibility, at times, can have an after taste of anxiety for me, in my mind, and in my body. I sometimes feel like I'm twisted up tight despite my positive attitude.
I was very aware of this yesterday.
I had an hour's drive ahead of me to the next destination. It was a beautiful day! I could feel the tightness in my chest and it annoyed me. "How can I feel anxious when it is so beautiful outside?" I asked with plenty of self-judgment. I thought of what I would say to a dear friend if they were to ask me the same thing. I recalled what I have said over and over in practice, "Be present at this moment! You will never get THIS moment back again." I opened the windows wide, cranked up the music, stuck my arm out into the wind, and leaned deeper into the moment. The song, Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw came on. The timing was perfect. Coincidence? I think not. The universe was playing in harmony with me in response to my opening up. I sang at the top of my lungs without care about being seen or heard. The sun was warm and friendly on my skin. I felt fully alive! The tears were coming, not because I was sad but because I felt so much love and connection to life. I could barely contain myself. So what did I do next, I reached out to my family by recording a quick video for them (I never do this and it was sort of weird for me) and sent it immediately. I didn't want to text (dangerous while driving) and I didn't want to lose the depth of what I was feeling by telling them later. I blubbered about how much I love them and how great, at that moment, my life felt. Their response was warm.
I still had a chunk of time driving and began to think of how all the moments getting from one thing to the other could be lost in the void of "auto-pilot". We so often get lost in a negative thought or the zombie-like existence of mindless waiting, waiting in line, waiting on hold, waiting for the next "mark" we need to hit. I realized (again) that the moments in between are a rich, fertile ground for fearless, spontaneous, chunks of time that can awaken us to our true nature. Our true nature is one of connection, love, and pure joy! I am thankful for that experience. I am still smiling.
Here's the song link: Tim McGraw: Live Like You Were Dying